Learning to love and trust again: a relational approach to developmental trauma

Sam, a white male aged 15, came to the attention of children’s social care when his adoptive parents started reporting him to the police regularly as going missing from home. His parents described him as defiant and outside of their control. A strategy discussion was held at an early stage because of concerns about possible sexual exploitation; Sam had been observed meeting regularly with adult males in the community and having money and expensive goods for which there was no obvious explanation.

The referral for Sam offers a common account of how young people experiencing exploitation and other extra-familial risks and harm come to the attention of the agencies involved with safeguarding. The focus of such referrals, and subsequent work, can be on how parents, carers or professionals involved in their lives see the young person in a problem-first way as either troubled or causing trouble, at risk or creating risks, vulnerable or harmful (Lefevre et al., 2019). These polarised perspectives reflect how adults do not always see what lies beneath young people’s behaviour and social relationships, nor how they connect with young people’s trauma and their unmet developmental needs.

This chapter will consider how viewing trauma through a developmental and relational lens can enable us to make better sense of young people’s worlds and the impact of their experiences. This enhanced understanding can then enable professionals and carers to provide a facilitating environment within which young people can heal from their trauma and find productive ways of engaging with safer and more healthy relationships and environments. We will illustrate the theoretical discussions through excerpts from interviews with Sam, and his social worker, Anne, which were conducted during earlier research by the first author. All names have been anonymised